A Quick Note Before You Read:
I wrote this while I was pregnant with Baby Boy, but for some reason I didn’t publish it and saved it as a draft. A huge fail on my part. If you’ve ever been pregnant you know how vivid pregnancy dreams are. If you haven’t been pregnant let me explain – they are so vivid they feel real. This dream felt so real to me I can still remember it like it was yesterday…. anyways – onto the story:
To Good to be True
So here lately, on top of everything else going on, I’ve found that if I go to bed at a reasonable time (10-11pm), I have a deeper sleep. Usually, that will be a good thing. I can admit that. To me though, those deeper sleeps bring loads of nightmares that seem so vivid they seem real. Take last Thursday for instance. I put Baby Girl to bed, I crawled into bed with my husband and I feel asleep around nine thirty pm. This never happens. I usually have to wrestle Baby Girl back to bed a few times, let the dog out to potty for the millionth time before I can lay down to actually sleep. The fact that it did happen, should have been my warning.
So it Starts
The dream started off normally enough. My daughter was sick, I was sick and even my darling husband wasn’t feeling well. I was talking to him about going to the hospital because I was pregnant and whatever it was, seemed to be hitting Baby Girl harder than either of us. He told me to go ahead, to figure out what it was and if he had to go in, he would later. Our insurance doesn’t cover ER visits and her doctor’s office was slammed for the day, of course. Whatever was going around was not isolated to us three. So I packed me and Baby Girl up and we went to the hospital. I wanted her seen first, all I remember was waiting for the doctor to come back into the room to talk to us.
However, next thing I know I am being woken up to ‘control’ my daughter by staff. I become all to aware that I am no longer in the hospital environment. The smells of saline and sickness have faded away and have been replaced by the overwhelming scent of fuel, sweat and something else I couldn’t put my finger on. I look around and realize I am in a oversized airplane like thing, that is hovering in one spot – airplanes most definitely do NOT do that! The man that works there is leading us back to a room and talking the whole way, something about more private. Something about calming down Baby Girl. I can hear him, but I am not really comprehending what he is saying. The door shuts behind us and the man who led us here is gone, but there is another manning a computer that takes up the whole wall. On the screen is a map of the earth covered in red dots.
My husband isn’t here, my daughter is crying for him – she wants daddy, only daddy. Mommy won’t do. This is a phase she has been going through (even in real life – if he is at work, I have to give her a picture of him), nothing but Daddy or his picture is going to make things better. How can I get Daddy for her though? I don’t even know where I am! The man manning the computer actually talks to me, he tells me Earth is no longer inhabitable, Things are bad down there, there is little hope for those who didn’t seek treatment this morning like me and Baby Girl did. I ask if he can tell me what will happen to my husband, because my phone has been taken away sometime while I was asleep. He ask for his name, types it in and one of the red dots comes into focus.
At first, I am slightly mad. I see my husband surfing on some island, he is having fun and enjoying himself even if he looks a little uncomfortable doing so. Oddly enough, he’s wearing a pair of swimming trunks I bought for him that he hated! I begged the man to get him on the airplane and he insist he cannot. I am crying and holding Baby Girl now as I realize that whatever happens, I have no way off and he has no way on. The man starts ignoring me, then all the sudden he hands me his phone and i realize he’s gotten me in touch with my husband. A wave of happiness floods over me, even if only briefly. Together, we can find a way to get him on board.
Things aren’t always as good as they seem. He tells me he loves me. I fill him in on what’s happening and tell him that I love him. I let him know that Baby Girl is crying for him again, we have to get him here, especially for her. Then he tells me the news. He’s had a brain bleed and it’s fatal and cannot be stopped. People are dropping dead of them left and right. He doesn’t have much time left. He wanted me to take Baby Girl, keep her safe and take care of us.
Only I never get to respond, I never get to see how this horrid dream ends. At the very moment I read that text I woke up, tears streaming down my face, an anxiety attack in full force. I couldn’t breath, I couldn’t see through the tears falling down my face. I was completely freaked out. I had to cuddle up against him. My head on his chest to hear his heartbeat and my hand right below it, feeling the steady rise and fall of his chest.